Alice Kelly...what have you done to me?!?!?!?!

Wow!!! Yesterday was amazing! I love my husband...but he's not a gift giver. He never has been and I thought he never would be. I've just come to terms with getting a big fat nothing...not even a card...for my birthday, mother's day and our anniversary. And I'm OK with that. But yesterday he proved me wrong!
A few months ago after a little date night he told me of this big plan he had been thinking about. He wanted to take me and some girlfriends out for the Alice Kelly fishing tournament to celebrate the end of my treatment. For those of you that don't know, this particular ladies tournament is a fund raiser for the Outer Banks Cancer Support Group. There is no money to be won but there is a lot of money that goes to our community to help people going through the lovely journey of cancer. So it was very appropriate and extremely thoughtful for him to come up with this all on his own.
He has a very good friend that has a beautiful boat that he brought up from New Bern just for the tournament. He even took the family to the boat for a little over night trip. Madison and Willa thought it was really cool that they got to sleep on the "fancy boat" in their own room.
So yesterday was the big day. We left the dock at 6am with "Captain Ahab," Banks, Jeff and a few girls that are really special to me and helped me through some really tough times.
And it was spectacular! I know I'm not a Meredith by blood, but yesterday I felt like I was. I could LIVE out there! It was absolutely, 100% beautiful. Although I've been out there with Reed before it just confirmed for me why he does what he does. Our CPA is always questioning why he continues to do it even though in the long run we just break even...on a good year. But yesterday reiterated what I already knew...that Reed Meredith would shrivel up and die if he could not fish. I've always told my CPA that taking fishing away from Reed would be the equivalent of me taking away his adding machine. He wouldn't be able to survive! And now I remember why!
We had such a great time! Brandy was the rock star...with a huge Wahoo! She worked her booty off! And Reed was super proud of her. His exact words were, "What Brandy just did was f*@#&*^ notable!" And Reed doesn't just give out complements! She was a little sore today but we're all very proud of her!!!!
Other than one bite, that was all the fishing action happening on the Kahuna. But there was no place in this universe that I'd rather be! We had a blast and I'm secretly hoping this is the beginning of a new tradition. (Reed...if you are reading this...take note!!! You have set the bar high. Not only am I expecting to do this again, but so are a few other ladies:)"

Officially Cancer Free!!!

Today I got a call from Dr. White's office. (She's the oncologist.) She said that my bone scan was normal and I don't have to come in next week. She will see me in 3 months. So that...my dear friends...means I am officially cancer free!
A big thanks to all of my awesome friends and family for getting me through the most challenging time of my life! With your prayers, positive thoughts, kind words and generous hearts I've made it to the other side.

Blood work doesn't lie!

Well...since I last wrote not much has changed. Things are still good and I'm moving on. I went yesterday for my follow-up scans (CT and Bone Scan.) While I was there I asked them to do a little blood work because I've been super tired lately. I've been taking naps every day and I'm still tired! So they did.
Usually, if someone calls me from their office it's a nurse. Well, today it was Dr. White, the oncologist. She said my hemoglobin was a little low but not too low. My Vitamin D level was low so she would call in a prescription for a Vitamin D supplement. However, my liver enzymes were elevated. This concerned her because so far all of my liver enzymes have been consistently normal. She had the results from my CT scan (but not my bone scan) and my liver looked fine. She said, "Did you have a glass of wine the night before?" Um...No. Maybe some beer....in a can....no glass!
I've waited so long! Since March 3rd I have only had two beers that one time at supper club! And so now I finally relax a little and have a couple of drinks and I get busted!?!?! I can't get away with ANYTHING!!!
I love you Dr. White. You helped saved my life. I trust you completely. Just understand that I need a beer...or two...at the end of the day. Please don't hold it against me.

I believe in the Tooth Fairy...

So many things have changed since January 13, 2010. It's crazy that even though I feel like my life has been on hold since the day that changed everything, everything around me has continued to go on. All the things that I thought couldn't happen without me have happened anyway. Who knew that the shop would survive if I wasn't the one they called when the credit card machine doesn't work, the cash register is jammed up, they're out of release forms or change, or just need toilet paper and paper towels? (Thanks Kate!) And who knew that Reed would be happy eating canned tuna 3 nights a week? Or that Madison and Willa would be up for a daily nap in my bed?
But most of all...who knew that The Tooth Fairy would come even if mommy wasn't there? That's right...The Tooth Fairy! Madison and Willa stayed with Reed's sister Kelly for two nights while I laid in my bed for 48 hours. I had a feeling this tooth was coming out so I sent the Tooth Fairy pillow to Aunt Kelly's with Madison. Last night it happened...in the pool...it just happened. So The Tooth Fairy came to Aunt Kelly's for Madison's first tooth and left her $5. Kelly happened to see the Tooth Fairy and asked her to please leave Madison's tooth so she could show her mommy.
So this morning, when I got my girls back, I got one baby Willa and one tremendously big, brave, toothless Madison!

Done!!!

Today was a good day. Today was a great day. Today I feel lucky. Today I feel like I've conquered the world. Today was the last day of chemo.
So, as you can see I'm a little excited about being done. I'm a little sad too. Believe it or not that has become my normal. My normal trip to Greenville will now go from every three weeks to every 3 months. I have grown to love Dr. White, her nurse Amy (who I pester the hell out of every time I get a lump or pain of any sort) and my 6 chemo nurses. As a little fair well gift I had Denise and Karen make all the nurses these beautiful pink necklaces with a silver charm. All of the necklaces are the same except the charms all say something just a little different. Things like believe, hope and cure. And for my amazing Dr. White Denise made a beautiful charm bracelet with an inspirational word on each charm. Thank you Denise and Karen...they LOVED their gifts!!!
So here's how my day went. Picked up my mom at 7:15. Headed straight to the Cracker Barrel where my lovely friend Julie met us for breakfast. The off to get a little poison through my veins at 10:30. Around 4:00 I was out and so I thought I'd go get Reed his darn IPhone for father's day. He's been wanting it for so long but I told him if he got it I'd cry. He HATES it when I cry. And guess what...it worked! So I got to get him something he really wanted. Oh yeah...and one for me too! Then we finished off the day with a big ol' feast at the Olive Garden. Definitely a day to remember!
So I know in the past I've written some pretty down blogs about all my silly worries and my obsessive concerns about this cancer coming back somewhere that's not so easy to fix. Well quit worrying about my mental state! I really only fret and get myself all worked up when I'm "down" after a treatment. That's when I feel and look like a sick person so that's when I start thinking about what could be wrong with me when really it's the Cytoxin and Taxotere reeking havoc on my system. Not cancer. So I'll probably have a few days like that coming up but then I start feeling better and my worries pretty much go away. I still think about it but I don't really stress out. I just realize that it's a possibility and know what to look for and have made a plan with my wonderful Dr. White to stay on top of all my scans and lab work for early detection if it should happen to come back.
So here's the plan...Meet with Dr. Semer next Wednesday to discuss my options for preventing ovarian cancer. Because my tumors were caused by the mutated BRCA1 gene I have a 50% chance of getting ovarian cancer. So most likely I will get a hysterectomy in the near future. Then on July 12th I go for another CT scan of my chest, abdomen and pelvic region and a full body bone scan because there were some areas that didn't look exactly right the first time, which was probably because of my surgery but I want to know for sure. Then I go on the 22nd to get the results from those scans with Dr. White. Depending on how that scans look I'll either get more scans in 3 months or 6 months. That same day I'll also go back to Dr. Habal (the one who did my surgery) for my 6 month check up. He'll set me up with a plastic surgeon to discuss my options for reconstruction.
Just as before, when everything started, I feel soooooo much better now that I have a plan. When they said you have cancer and these are all the unknowns and possible courses of action depending on the unknowns but they couldn't tell me which one I was suppose to take until they figured out all the unknowns, which if you remember took FOREVER, I felt more than just a little crazy. And before today I was starting to feel that same way. I knew that the chemo chapter was over but I wasn't sure what the plan was from there. I needed to have some firm course of action to make sure that I'm not just sitting on my butt waiting for some bone pain, back pain, swollen lymph nodes, constant cough or headaches that might or might not be cancer. So now I have a plan, and that feels good. I can handle whatever comes my way if I just have a plan.
I just have to say that I'm so blessed to have so many special people in my life. I love and cherish everyone of you and your kind words of encouragement when I've needed it the most. Ya'll have been my back bone and my sanity and I'm so glad that this chapter is over and in a couple of weeks I'll be feeling normal and ready to jump back into my normal life. I miss all of you ladies from preschool and can't wait for school to start again. Really enjoyed parasailing...even though I didn't go up it was so nice to all be together. I'm looking forward to the Alice Kelly Tournament with some really awesome friends. For those of you that don't know, Reed decided that he was going to bring up the Kahuna (a super nice yacht) and take some of us girls out for the Alice Kelly Fishing Tournament to celebrate the end of my treatment. He came up with it all on his own and it couldn't be more appropriate since all the proceeds go to the Outer Banks Cancer Support Group. This might be the most thoughtful gift he's ever given me! Not to mention it's going to be incredibly fun!!!
So in a week or two I hope to see a lot of all of you because I've missed you all so much! I just might have to have a remission party once I get the all clear on my scans. So thanks again to all of you for all the prayers and positive thoughts!

Chemo # 5

One more treatment down. This one was a little harder because I didn't really have the luxury of staying in my bed for days on end.
On Tuesday my precious brother took me to chemo. He refused to come in because he wasn't sure if he could handle it. I was just glad he agreed to take me. I don't see him too much so I was thrilled to have him locked in my car for an entire 2 hours there and 2 hours back. He couldn't get away from me!
On Wednesday my baby graduated from preschool. Yes...there were some moms there that were crying, but no...I wasn't one of them! I'm excited for her to be starting kindergarten. I'm a little sad that she's done with preschool but can't wait for her to start "big school." I know she's going to love it!
After graduation I couldn't just take her home! So we went to lunch, ran a couple of errands and finished up the day having ice cream. Then mommy came home and collapsed as soon as daddy walked in the door! No dinner, shower, TV...just head on pillow and lights out!
Thursday was another busy day. I actually felt worse on Thursday than I did on Wednesday. I always seem to feel worse on the second day after treatment. But...it was the last day of preschool for both girls. So I put on my big girl panties and picked them up from school and took them to the beach where I sat under my umbrella while my awesome friends took care of my kids. I sat there from a little after 1 until about 5:30. My girls had the best time! And all the moms were so kind to keep an eye on my kids so I didn't have to run around all day making sure they didn't drown! But I think Karen Brown deserves a special award for dealing with Willa when she pooped in her bathing suit! Willa says, "Ms Taren digged a hole and barried my stink!" Karen...you are very special to us all!
So then, just like the day before, I came home and went to bed with no dinner. I did take a shower, but only because I had to.
And then there's today. Today may have been the longest day of my entire life! I haven't felt very well and Reed keeps telling me to take something. The problem is, if I do my kids would be totally unsupervised while I drool on my pillow. So that's not an option. And Willa hasn't felt very good today either. She's had a fever and a nasty cough. I finally got Reed to come get Madison so Willa and I could take a nap. Madison got to spend the afternoon with daddy, going to Ace Hardware, several boat shops in Wanchese and finally got to ride a jet ski for putting up with all the boring chores. She's such a sweet girl. She found something fun about all of it. She got potato chips at Ace Hardware and got to play a game on the ipod at the boat shops.
So here's an example of how tired I feel. I've been thirsty all day. And there's tea in my fridge. But the thought of having to pour it into a glass just wears me out. I have been waiting for Reed to come home so he can take me to dinner somewhere where I can sit at the table, have someone bring me my tea and then I can drink it without having to pick up the glass if I use a straw. THAT'S pathetic! For lunch my girls ate whatever they could reach in the pantry. So they had graham crackers and saltine crackers.
So everyone says, "Just one more chemo! Aren't you excited?!?!" And I always say yes, but really it freaks me out a little. I'm so afraid of this coming back somewhere else. As long as I'm doing chemo I feel like I'm doing something to keep it from coming back. When I'm done with chemo I won't be actively doing anything to prevent it. I know that they'll do scans regularly, but that's probably going to be every six months. Six months is a long time. A lot can happen in six months. Everytime I get a little pain or lump I'm convinced it's spread. I had a lump on the inside of my upper arm last week. Of course I just knew it was cancer in my lymph nodes. My ribs still hurt sometimes, so naturally I assume it could possibly be in my bones. I know, I know...CRAZY LADY!!! But I just can't help it.
So...hopefully I feel better tomorrow and I can get some housework done. I can't find my way through the laundry and dog hair!

My baby

So it's 1am and Madison is still puking up every 10-15 minutes. Sitting here with her feeling so miserable reminds me of how lucky I am that I have these two healthy, beautiful, lively, fun-loving babies. I can't imagine what it must be like to have a child that is not so healthy. Like my mom. Yes, I am 32 now, but I'm still her baby. And her baby has cancer. And she can't do anything about it other than be here for me. So tonight...and for the rest of my life...I will be here for my babies, and I will pray every single day that they continue to thrive and live long and healthy lives.