Half way there!

I wasn't sure if the title should be "Half way there" or "Half way...house." You be the judge.

Chemo #3 is done. Three more to go. I can't believe how blessed I've been! The side effects I've experienced have been pretty mild so far. Although that could change any day now, even if it does I've still made it half way pretty easily.
This one was very similar to the last one. The actual treatment was painless...easy. Elizabeth Robbins held up a little better this time too. There was only one point where I was a little concerned, but she managed without fainting. I was completely fine that night and Friday. Saturday I started to feel a little off. I stayed in bed all afternoon and all day Sunday. I read an entire book and am half way through another one. But of course now I can't sleep. So here I am...waiting for my Ambian to come and take me off to dream land.
Here's something I'm having a hard time comprehending. It amazes me that people think I'm so brave and strong and inspiring. I don't feel like I've done anything to warrant those titles. I'm just doing what anyone would do in this situation. In fact, while I was laying there trying to fall asleep tonight I couldn't help but wonder if this is it. Every time I get any kind of ache or pain anywhere I wonder if it's somewhere else and they just don't know it yet. I feel like I'm being crazy and over analyzing everything, but still I can't help it.
You know, I had all these scans done...the brain MRI, CT scan and bone scan. The doctor says, "Everything looks great! Do you want a copy of the report?" When I say yes, she follows with, "Keep in mind that this particular radiologists has been over reading things. But I've looked at the films and every thing's fine."
So keeping that in mind I start to try to break these secret codes in these reports. I couldn't find anything in his report that made me worry about the brain MRI, but the CT scan had me a little concerned. He requested a follow up CT scan in three months, which my doctor decided she would order...just to keep him happy. When I told her I was a little unsure about the report she broke it down and put my mind at ease...sort of.
So...Thursday I got a copy of my bone scan report. It says that it looks like I've had broken ribs. I have never broken a rib...certainly not a few of them. When I was in 5th grade Philip was pushing me on a swing at Granny's house and he pushed me too high. The swing flew off the s hook and I flew off the swing. I broke my left arm. But not my ribs! He also talks about my forearm and my hips.
So on nights when I can't sleep...like tonight...I lay in my bed and wonder. I start over thinking every ache and pain until there's no chance of falling asleep without the help of pharmaceuticals. Now my ribs hurt, I feel like I have swollen lymph nodes, and I worry about all the possible things that could have been overlooked. For things to start out so terribly they sure have taken a turn for the better...or have they?
I guess the battle I'm going to have with myself from now on is when to worry and when to let it go. Right now I feel like I'm going to always be waiting for the next round to show up. Hopefully tomorrow I'll wake up and decide to let it go...stop worrying. I completely trust my doctors and I just have to leave it at that.
So there's the crazy lady in me coming out...just to let you all know that even though I do my best to keep things in perspective and put a postitive spin on things, it doesn't always work like that.
So thanks for all the support and prayers. Apparently they are still very much needed.