It's almost been a year since I first felt the lump in my breast. However, it wasn't until December 15, 2009 that I saw the doctor because I thought I'd wait and see what happened...would it go away on its own, did caffine have anything to do with it, would it come and go with my period. When I realized it wasn't going away or getting smaller, nor did I think it was getting bigger, I finally made an appointment to see my doctor on December 15th.

And then my life changed.

Since that day I have had 27 doctor appointments, 2 mamograms, 1 ultrasound, 2 MRIs, 2 bone scans, 2 CT scans, 1 chest X-Ray, 1 excisional biopsy, 1 ultrasound guided needle biopsy, 1 double mastectomy, 1 port put in my chest and 6 chemotheropy treatments. I already have 3 more doctor appointments and 1 surgery scheduled, and 2 more surgeries that need to be scheduled.

I have also had two MAJOR diagnosises. January 13th...Breast Cancer. July 15th...Remission.

That is one hell of a year!

It's been a really long time since I've given any kind of an update. So here goes...

I no longer feel like I'm eaten up with cancer. Before, anytime I had any kind of ache or pain I was convinced that it had spread to my bones or lymph nodes or my blood. I don't remember when I started feeling like I am cancer free...I just realized one day that I wasn't obsessing about cancer.

My hair has grown back. And no...it's not blond or curly. It's straight and just as dark as it was before, except there's a little more grey now. It's very thick and there's nothing I can do with it so far. But it's there! And my eyebrows and eye lashes have also come back.

Reconstruction will be underway soon. Here's how it works.
On November 16th I will go in for an outpatient surgery that should take about two hours to have expanders put in. Then, every two weeks I will take a trip to Greenville to have my boobs "pumped up." They will inject saline into these expanders to stretch the skin and muscle until either I decide they are big enough or they physically can't stretch anymore. The surgery is pretty easy but the expansion is supposed to be pretty painful, especially the last two or three. Then, I will leave the expanders in for a couple of months to let everything settle and relax. And then I get the real things. I'll have one last surgery to exchange the expanders for the impants. Then that whole phase of my life will be over!!!

So then there's the issue of the hystorectomy. Since my genetic testing showed that I have the mutated BRCA1 gene I have a fairly high chance of developing ovarian cancer before I'm 50. The easy answer is to just remove it ALL! Anything that can get cancer that can be removed, WILL be removed. But...I've decided that I want to complete the breast cancer saga before dealing with that. So, until that is all complete I will just see a GYN Oncologist every six months and have ultrasounds and a special blood test. The bad part is, although these are extra steps for detecting ovarian cancer they are not guaranteed, or even very reliable. That's why they call it the silent killer. There is no good test for early detection. So hopefully, I will have that surgery done next year...maybe in early June. But I've decided that I can't think about that until I get through this.

Now...how about some good stuff!!! I finally feel normal. I'm running around like a crazy person trying to keep up with Madison and Willa. Madison is now in Kindergarten and loves it! She is also taking ballet and tap on Thursdays. Willa goes to PMO at St. Andrew's on Tuesday and Thursday mornings and has Kindermusik on Thursdays. I am back at work...even though I feel like it's more fun than a "work"...at St Andrew's Preschool with the really little kids two mornings a week and I keep the cutest little girl, Heidi, on Tuesday afternoons. And I really feel like life is back to normal.

The thing that bothered me the most about the whole cancer thing is how much I missed out on. I missed the kids at preschool so much, I hated not being involved in Madison's school and dance, I hated that I missed birthday parties and girls nights out. I hated that it took such a huge effort to do anything for or with my family and friends. Basically, my world stopped while everyone else's world continued.

And now my world is moving again. I stay so busy that I actually think about how lucky I was to get a nap every day! I'm ready for reconstruction, even though this particular type of reconstruction wasn't my first choice. I have finally come to terms with it and I feel like it's the right choice for me and my family. I'm even excited about it! I think it's going to be pretty easy and I won't miss too of anything, just 1 - 2 weeks initially and a day or two here and there at the most!

Again...I can't thank everyone enough for all the postitive thoughts, kind and encouraging words, prayers, love and support that you have all given me through out my roller coaster ride with cancer. People say all the time that they don't know how I've gotten through it, but the truth is that everyone of you has had a significant roll in my battle and recovery, whether you know it or not. I would not have gotten through this without you.