Chemo # 5

One more treatment down. This one was a little harder because I didn't really have the luxury of staying in my bed for days on end.
On Tuesday my precious brother took me to chemo. He refused to come in because he wasn't sure if he could handle it. I was just glad he agreed to take me. I don't see him too much so I was thrilled to have him locked in my car for an entire 2 hours there and 2 hours back. He couldn't get away from me!
On Wednesday my baby graduated from preschool. Yes...there were some moms there that were crying, but no...I wasn't one of them! I'm excited for her to be starting kindergarten. I'm a little sad that she's done with preschool but can't wait for her to start "big school." I know she's going to love it!
After graduation I couldn't just take her home! So we went to lunch, ran a couple of errands and finished up the day having ice cream. Then mommy came home and collapsed as soon as daddy walked in the door! No dinner, shower, TV...just head on pillow and lights out!
Thursday was another busy day. I actually felt worse on Thursday than I did on Wednesday. I always seem to feel worse on the second day after treatment. But...it was the last day of preschool for both girls. So I put on my big girl panties and picked them up from school and took them to the beach where I sat under my umbrella while my awesome friends took care of my kids. I sat there from a little after 1 until about 5:30. My girls had the best time! And all the moms were so kind to keep an eye on my kids so I didn't have to run around all day making sure they didn't drown! But I think Karen Brown deserves a special award for dealing with Willa when she pooped in her bathing suit! Willa says, "Ms Taren digged a hole and barried my stink!" Karen...you are very special to us all!
So then, just like the day before, I came home and went to bed with no dinner. I did take a shower, but only because I had to.
And then there's today. Today may have been the longest day of my entire life! I haven't felt very well and Reed keeps telling me to take something. The problem is, if I do my kids would be totally unsupervised while I drool on my pillow. So that's not an option. And Willa hasn't felt very good today either. She's had a fever and a nasty cough. I finally got Reed to come get Madison so Willa and I could take a nap. Madison got to spend the afternoon with daddy, going to Ace Hardware, several boat shops in Wanchese and finally got to ride a jet ski for putting up with all the boring chores. She's such a sweet girl. She found something fun about all of it. She got potato chips at Ace Hardware and got to play a game on the ipod at the boat shops.
So here's an example of how tired I feel. I've been thirsty all day. And there's tea in my fridge. But the thought of having to pour it into a glass just wears me out. I have been waiting for Reed to come home so he can take me to dinner somewhere where I can sit at the table, have someone bring me my tea and then I can drink it without having to pick up the glass if I use a straw. THAT'S pathetic! For lunch my girls ate whatever they could reach in the pantry. So they had graham crackers and saltine crackers.
So everyone says, "Just one more chemo! Aren't you excited?!?!" And I always say yes, but really it freaks me out a little. I'm so afraid of this coming back somewhere else. As long as I'm doing chemo I feel like I'm doing something to keep it from coming back. When I'm done with chemo I won't be actively doing anything to prevent it. I know that they'll do scans regularly, but that's probably going to be every six months. Six months is a long time. A lot can happen in six months. Everytime I get a little pain or lump I'm convinced it's spread. I had a lump on the inside of my upper arm last week. Of course I just knew it was cancer in my lymph nodes. My ribs still hurt sometimes, so naturally I assume it could possibly be in my bones. I know, I know...CRAZY LADY!!! But I just can't help it.
So...hopefully I feel better tomorrow and I can get some housework done. I can't find my way through the laundry and dog hair!

My baby

So it's 1am and Madison is still puking up every 10-15 minutes. Sitting here with her feeling so miserable reminds me of how lucky I am that I have these two healthy, beautiful, lively, fun-loving babies. I can't imagine what it must be like to have a child that is not so healthy. Like my mom. Yes, I am 32 now, but I'm still her baby. And her baby has cancer. And she can't do anything about it other than be here for me. So tonight...and for the rest of my life...I will be here for my babies, and I will pray every single day that they continue to thrive and live long and healthy lives.

Busy day with a not so good ending

Super busy day today. Chemo #4 (2 more to go!!!!) which of course took all day. Reed and I left the house around 7 and got back at 5:30...just in time to meet Madison at the Kindergarten Kick Off. Reed dropped me off and Elizabeth gave Madison and me a ride home. The not so good part is that she threw up all over the hall in the big school. And then again in Mrs. Elizabeth's car. And then again in the bath tub. And then about 10 times after that. She's sleeping now...and has been for about 30 minutes. Not sure if she's gotten it all out of just saving it up for the middle of the night. At any rate...she's pitiful. Lethargic...weak. I asked her if I could get her anything and the sweet little angel said, "Just some love." So that's exactly what she got...lots of love!
I, on the other hand, am fine for now. The last two treatments I've been fine until Saturday so hopefully I'll continue to feel good until my baby feels better. I'm not so worried about catching it...they give me lots of drugs for nausea...but I don't really want Madison to feel bad or for Willa to get it next.
OOPS...spoke too soon. Just had another episode of the puke ups.

The other side of the mountain

Well, now that I half way done I'm heading down the easy side of the mountain. I'm looking forward to finishing up and getting back to normal! If I can make it through this dance recital and the end of the school year while still getting chemo I can do anything! Hopefully we'll be so busy that these last three treatments will fly by.
I've felt really good lately and I've gotten a small dose of normal, just enough to know how much I miss it. Thursday and today I went to preschool to hang out with "my kids" in PMO. Kids are so funny! Today we spent some time looking for Ms Michelle's hair. I lost it somewhere and those sweet kids helped me look for it! Then I took Madison and Eliza to their last dance class before the recital. Then to Wendy's for a frosty!
Last week I had a great time with all the preschool teachers at Black Pelican for a Relay for Life dinner. Then supper club on Saturday at the Clarks'. I also got a lot of work done around the house...mostly in my garden and my office. I have some things planted now and I'm going to try to plant some more tomorrow. And for those of you that have seen my office, you know that I could spend days in here working and maybe put a dent in it. A very sweet friend of my (...Kay...) peeked into my office one day and asked me if I was hoarding! Looks much better now!!!
My mom got her genetic test results back and just as we expected she also has the mutated BRC1 gene. She is scheduled to have a hysterectomy on May 18th. She has some growth in her uterus that the said they "can't rule out as being cancer" so every thing's coming out. My poor mom, Cindy the Saint, is actually looking forward to the surgery so she can have a break! She's been staying in Virginia for the last 2-3 weeks with my Paw Paw. He's been in the hospital and she doesn't want him to be there alone. I'm telling you...she's a SAINT!
So on Thursday we head to Greenville for treatment #4. This time Reed is taking me. Even though he's seen the chemo room he hasn't seen it with me as the patient. I'm sure he'll be fine but it won't be pleasant for him. I'm also hoping to get lots of questions answered by Dr. White. The more time I have to think about things the more questions I have.
I feel like I don't say this enough so I'll say it again. Thanks to all of you that have been so good to me and my family through all of this. I am sure that that is the reason it has been so easy for me. Ya'll have been wonderful!