Chemo # 5

One more treatment down. This one was a little harder because I didn't really have the luxury of staying in my bed for days on end.
On Tuesday my precious brother took me to chemo. He refused to come in because he wasn't sure if he could handle it. I was just glad he agreed to take me. I don't see him too much so I was thrilled to have him locked in my car for an entire 2 hours there and 2 hours back. He couldn't get away from me!
On Wednesday my baby graduated from preschool. Yes...there were some moms there that were crying, but no...I wasn't one of them! I'm excited for her to be starting kindergarten. I'm a little sad that she's done with preschool but can't wait for her to start "big school." I know she's going to love it!
After graduation I couldn't just take her home! So we went to lunch, ran a couple of errands and finished up the day having ice cream. Then mommy came home and collapsed as soon as daddy walked in the door! No dinner, shower, TV...just head on pillow and lights out!
Thursday was another busy day. I actually felt worse on Thursday than I did on Wednesday. I always seem to feel worse on the second day after treatment. But...it was the last day of preschool for both girls. So I put on my big girl panties and picked them up from school and took them to the beach where I sat under my umbrella while my awesome friends took care of my kids. I sat there from a little after 1 until about 5:30. My girls had the best time! And all the moms were so kind to keep an eye on my kids so I didn't have to run around all day making sure they didn't drown! But I think Karen Brown deserves a special award for dealing with Willa when she pooped in her bathing suit! Willa says, "Ms Taren digged a hole and barried my stink!" Karen...you are very special to us all!
So then, just like the day before, I came home and went to bed with no dinner. I did take a shower, but only because I had to.
And then there's today. Today may have been the longest day of my entire life! I haven't felt very well and Reed keeps telling me to take something. The problem is, if I do my kids would be totally unsupervised while I drool on my pillow. So that's not an option. And Willa hasn't felt very good today either. She's had a fever and a nasty cough. I finally got Reed to come get Madison so Willa and I could take a nap. Madison got to spend the afternoon with daddy, going to Ace Hardware, several boat shops in Wanchese and finally got to ride a jet ski for putting up with all the boring chores. She's such a sweet girl. She found something fun about all of it. She got potato chips at Ace Hardware and got to play a game on the ipod at the boat shops.
So here's an example of how tired I feel. I've been thirsty all day. And there's tea in my fridge. But the thought of having to pour it into a glass just wears me out. I have been waiting for Reed to come home so he can take me to dinner somewhere where I can sit at the table, have someone bring me my tea and then I can drink it without having to pick up the glass if I use a straw. THAT'S pathetic! For lunch my girls ate whatever they could reach in the pantry. So they had graham crackers and saltine crackers.
So everyone says, "Just one more chemo! Aren't you excited?!?!" And I always say yes, but really it freaks me out a little. I'm so afraid of this coming back somewhere else. As long as I'm doing chemo I feel like I'm doing something to keep it from coming back. When I'm done with chemo I won't be actively doing anything to prevent it. I know that they'll do scans regularly, but that's probably going to be every six months. Six months is a long time. A lot can happen in six months. Everytime I get a little pain or lump I'm convinced it's spread. I had a lump on the inside of my upper arm last week. Of course I just knew it was cancer in my lymph nodes. My ribs still hurt sometimes, so naturally I assume it could possibly be in my bones. I know, I know...CRAZY LADY!!! But I just can't help it.
So...hopefully I feel better tomorrow and I can get some housework done. I can't find my way through the laundry and dog hair!